GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a bastard.

 PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to

 call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

 GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist kissed the girl)

 GIRL: ......Yes!

 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a bastard.

 GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.

 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top)

 GIRL: Yes!

 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a bastard.

 GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.

 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes)

 GIRL: Yes!

 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a bastard.

 GIRL: But, he had sex with me!

 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist had sex with the girl)

 GIRL:. Yes!

 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a bastard.

 GIRL: But then he told me he has AIDS.

 PSYCHIATRIST:

 BASTARDDDDDDDDD

 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

------------------------------------------------------0000000000--------------------------------------------------------

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

 "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

 Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure.

 She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.

 Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

 But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.

 He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he

 crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

 He woke in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

 "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

 He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As

 he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

 In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end.

 Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the

 window after the boulder.

 As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read,

 "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."